a prism with an intellect

meowmixx182@aol.com — Sat, 26 Jan 2008 01:58:15 GMT

so, in the past four months ive attended 6 funerals

...and on monday 7.
is it gonna stop pouring soon?
im begging for it.

meowmixx182@aol.com — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 16:04:47 GMT

who needs boston. i have what i need now. though living with my parents, not so cool. but ill just adapt, re-adjust myself to life back home.

....this is gonna blow.

meowmixx182@aol.com — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 23:47:05 GMT

cancer?

bring it on.

the good, the bad and the ugly.

meowmixx182@aol.com — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 23:33:57 GMT

so there's good, there's bad and there's the ugly.

the bad: i realized today when traci was taking her medicine (all of three pills all of which she had to take one at a time) that i can swallow 7 pills at once. That lead to the realization that i have been so fucking sick for so fucking long. It blows.

the good: today, i found a beautiful appt which i plan on moving into on January 1st. Finally, im living on my own. Finally, i take care of myself. Finally, i start my own life. Just me, my best friend, my fiance, and my cat. On our own, no partents, no ra's no dorms. Just the poeple i love and myself. I cant fucking wait.

the ugly: ive decided aside from your ultimate sucking, you really dress like a slut. Even if you're not. Its the middle of the fucking winter, and you wear low cut jeans and belly shirts, YOU ARE DUMB. ahaha ahhh i love hating you. It makes me feel better about the fact that i once called you and your crew my friends. Ugh-gag, seriously thats nasty. What Was I Thinking??? Oh well, you still suck, and im still happy with my life.

I AM IN SUCH A GOOD MOOD!!!

meowmixx182@aol.com — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 19:28:38 GMT

there is no other way to decribe you other than to say...
you suck, you suck so bad.
you make me realize who real people really are.
oh, and i hate you too : )

meowmixx182@aol.com — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 22:54:49 GMT

my final moment of disaster.
so that's what its like, it all just blows up.
no warning.
what else do you do?

meowmixx182@aol.com — Thu, 17 May 2007 21:01:40 GMT

ughh...
really the only way to describe how i feel right now.
got a job today, and for some reason, im not the least bit excited about it.
were not together any more, and for some reason, im not the least bit bothered by it.

oddly enough, the only thing in my life right now that causes me any emotion is you. the only time i feel happy, or angry, or like i could laugh is when im with you. it could be because of the the sneaking, yeah that could be part of it. but i dont think thats it. too bad that you're taken...sort of. i just want her to dissapear, than things would really work out for us. but, i guess i can only ask for so much, eh? i want us to be two normal people who dont have to lie and sneak and cheat, but whatever. it makes me feel something so ill hold on to it for as long as i can.

about you, however, you're the worst thing that ever happened to me. you ruined me both inside and out. you made me hate myself on a regular basis and even though were not together any more, i still cant get over it. i just wanna feel strong, confident, and sexy again. you left me in a place that no person should ever leave someone. its the coldest thing you could do, and you did it, but whatever, its over and done with, lets just leave it at that.

uahgoiwuerfonamdl;iguweoirj! im so frustrated with my life.

meowmixx182@aol.com — Fri, 04 May 2007 14:12:50 GMT

five days and im home for the summer. i cant wait. im gonna miss you though. this sucks how it took up until the last week of school to figure all our shit out. and now they we finally have, we have to leave each other. im gonna miss you, a lot. at least i can come and stay with you whenever i want, i know you wont care, besideds, who else buys you a steak dinner? im gonna miss you, a lot....

and he burn's like the sun.

meowmixx182@aol.com — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 00:15:32 GMT

some days i want to kill you.
some days i want you to beat me up and then have your way with me.
some days i hate her for what she did to you....

the others i think youre becoming more and more like her.
what am i supposed to do now?

meowmixx182@aol.com — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 20:05:40 GMT

Happy 4:20 Everyone!

"this is gonna be an abusive relationship."

meowmixx182@aol.com — Sun, 08 Apr 2007 04:49:53 GMT

sometimes there are these random moments in our life when something completely unexpected hits us in the face like a bag of bricks. its not in the least bit a bad thing, but you just dont expect it. completely blind sides you and then knocks you off your feet...maybe for the better? who knows. either way tonight was wonderful. i played with douche-bag and... oh yeah, and scotty was there too. this honestly threw me for a complete loop but im not complaining in the least. how was i to know that all i had to do was walk through someones door completely unknowing to find what i was looking for. and honestly, you are the most interesting person ive met in years. i want to know everything about you. i smell like a mix of wood stove and you and i really like it.
im not sure what im getting myself into yet but i dont care. i deserve something like this, and yes ill be honest with you, and this just makes me happy.
you're gonna be trouble. my middle name is trouble.
i feel like ive known you for years.

meowmixx182@aol.com — Sat, 17 Mar 2007 20:11:10 GMT

so its st. patty's day. ive been up for about an hour, its 4, and im already drunk! i love the irish.

meowmixx182@aol.com — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 18:30:04 GMT

spring break, it starts today. im pumped. i need to get out of school, thank god.

fuck being sick, again.

meowmixx182@aol.com — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 20:57:10 GMT

people should not take the health for granted. im sick of people pegging me as the sick kid when they have no idea how hard it is to be sick, all the fucking time. as i go to the hopsital, for a fourth fucking time in a month i want to kill evereyone around me for being healthier than i am, and thats not a good thing. honestly though, im sick and tired of being sick and tired. all i want is to go one week without somehting going wrong. its not fair. i really dont think i deserve to be this sick all the time, why me? as pathetic as that sounds. honestly though, i just cant take it anymore. the fact that i have to consider dropping out of school not because of grades or school work or friends or anything, but becuase im too sick. its not fucking fair. for once in my life i just want to be like every other fucking person walking around with out a care in the world. its just not fair. all i want is to be healthy, is that too much to ask? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh health, thats all i ask for, fucking health. i feel like im in smash and everyone else keeps getting the floating pink hearts and refilling their health and i cant find any, its not fair. its not fair, its not fair, its not fair. i hate to complain like this, honestly, but i feel like i have a right to now. no one understands what its like to be this sick all the time. they make little jokes about how i need to be locked up in a hospital and shit and honestly, for a time it was funny, but not anymore. people just dont get how much it fucks you up to be sick all the time. it effects everything, your sleep, your work, your play, your eating, every little thing that could be effected, is. and i dont want to do it anymore. im just too tired, too burnt out.

i need a blunt.

meowmixx182@aol.com — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 19:11:36 GMT

Derek comes to see me today!!! im so excited. i havent seen him in 3 weeks and he gets to spend the entire weekend with me. how excited am i? you can only guess. its going to be a wonderful weekend.

hospitalization...sweet!

meowmixx182@aol.com — Tue, 09 Jan 2007 05:11:20 GMT

so, about an hour ago i got out of surgery, and im all bucked up on morphine. in the long run, i feel like shit. i have more stitches then i could begin to count on not only my fingers and toes but all of my friends as well. my body looks like a land mine field and ive puked more times than my mother has had lipo-suction. i hate fucking hospitals. i hate hate hate them.
worst fucking vacation ever. the second i get home, i get rushed to the er. fucking sweet. so, once the marlboro er accidentadly dismisses me, almost killing me in the process, i get automatically rushed to the second hospital, this time, in boston. and then im told that i have a diseases so contageous that i cant even see my family. every time a person walks into my room they have to dress themselves up in what looks like a space suit, a face mask, gloves, and booties. what a fucking life ive been reduced to. aside from that excellent predicement im not allowed to leave my room. keep in mind, theres no opening window in my room. im not even allowed to wonder the halls. i havent had a breath of fresh air in faaaar to long. i need to fucking breathe. i could kill anyone at this point.

so...im not allowed to leave my room, see people, or do basically anything for myself...annnnnd im in the worst fucking pain ive ever been in in my entire life.

plus sides to this little situation...morphine, morphine, and more fucking morphine.

meowmixx182@aol.com — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 21:07:55 GMT

holy shit holy shit, holy shit. i can not wait for satruday. i love reliving the past, hopefully it turns out better than it's original end. thats exactly it, actually, i feel like im creating an alternate ending, how quaint.

"shit runs down hill"

meowmixx182@aol.com — Mon, 04 Dec 2006 03:22:28 GMT

what am i doing?

meowmixx182@aol.com — Mon, 27 Nov 2006 01:36:39 GMT

so straight up, vacation sucked. it involved police, fighting, and all out chaos. anyways, school is much better, however, school is where my friends are, and thats a beautiful thing.
got a new ipod, yay.
got a new phone, yay.
car got broken into, booooo.
got really drunk, yay.
realized what you were really thinking, so-so.

yeah, im completely confused, and youre not helping, but...you do make me happy.

meowmixx182@aol.com — Tue, 21 Nov 2006 13:49:03 GMT

last night was wonderful. i may have lost 1600 brain cells, but in all honesty i think it was worth it. and i want to spill my guts completely but i cant! because i have a secret! oh, how bittersweet.

meowmixx182@aol.com — Mon, 20 Nov 2006 06:04:40 GMT

what the fuck? ahhh. things like this arent supposed to happen. but i dont want to do it anymore, i just cant deal. its too much, too heavey. i want to sleep for 40 days and 40 nights. i think i'd like that. sleep sleep sleep.

strawberry fields forever...

meowmixx182@aol.com — Tue, 07 Nov 2006 15:54:51 GMT

So, today, this wonderful mother fucking tuesday, im switching roomates!!!!!! Traci Costa and i are going to live together! this is going to be absloutly insane. I cant freakin wait, and even though im so tired and can barely keep my head up, it's going to be fun. its going to be a fucking blast actually. hahah and once we get the vap., wow, haha its going to be insane. ahhhahahahahah i cant wait to get this done!!!!!

meowmixx182@aol.com — Wed, 01 Nov 2006 19:09:42 GMT

how is it than in a little over four hours everything i can have turns to shit? on halloween none the less. your favorite fucking holiday and i mess everything up for you. i never meant for it to turn out like that.

sweet life you.

meowmixx182@aol.com — Mon, 23 Oct 2006 06:11:21 GMT

i pray that this really happens. ive wanted it for a while now. all thats left is saving the money, and actually moving our asses in there together. it really would be amazing to wake up next to justin every morning. not to mention it would make our lives ten times easier hahaha. buisness would be booming, boston would be right out OUR front door. haha, i'm gonna have a front door, that sounds weird. everything will be wonderful.

oh, that really pisses me off you bitch.
thats all i really wanted to say about that, at least he still calls me without you knowing!!! mwahahahaha

meowmixx182@aol.com — Thu, 28 Sep 2006 19:04:16 GMT

i spend all fucking day cleaning my room, getting all dolled up, and you dont even show up. especially after i spend a ton of time writing to you. and what am i doing? im sitting on my ass. thanks, thanks a shit ton, i appreciate it. pshshshs to you to!